If you keep being selfish, Santa will die

I used to be jolly and happy, a long time ago.  I made toys for little boys and girls. I loved my work and they loved me, but it just got out of hand. The world’s population kept growing and growing. Kids wanted more toys, fancier toys. We used to make wooden choo-choos and rag dolls. You ever try to make an iPod?! I’ve got orders for millions of ’em! Look at the toxic waste we’re producing. In fact, I think the toxins are taking even more of a toll than the inbreeding.



I started with one family of magic elves. And every year, I needed more and more to keep up. Now they’re just a sickly race of mutated genetic disasters. At least 60% of them are born blind. The work load destroys them, but they don’t know anything else. It’s gotten so their instincts take over and near the end, they just walk out into the snow and die.

Then, the reindeer eat them, which just turn the reindeer into wild feral creatures with a bloodlust for elf flesh.  I don’t even pray for them anymore. Seems pointless. What God would allow this?

– Santa



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